Doctor Who Internet Adventure #24 - "Remiel"

Chapter 6
"Continuity Can Go Stuff Itself"
by Bruce Greenwood


So the Doctor and Young went to Gallifrey, where lots of no doubt fascinating stuff happened. He never told me about it, and I never had the chance to ask.

       Anyway. The next thing they did was come and stop me from saving Kirena's life. And that's why I have to kill him.

       A bit more detail? Alright, let me set the scene for you.

       Here's me. Don't I look just smashing?

       Well. I'd had a bad time of it. Losing someone you love hurts a little, and you tend not to think of personal appearance.

       I'm distracting myself.

       Alright. Here's me, here's mad malapropic Mavis, and here's Jadi about to blow the head off a murdering arsehole named Holmes. Mavis has just opened the TARDIS(which is right here, by the way) and released a cloud of butterflies.

       The Doctor was devastated by this. Shows you where his fucking priorities are, right? More interested in a bunch of Lepidoptera than the life of a friend of his who'd saved his life more than once. He'd sooner go chasing after f--

       My internal editor has told me to cut down on the swearing.

       --butterflies with a fucking net than to just travel back in time and push someone out of a chair.

       He explained it to me, while this Young guy — who looked a bit like someone else I once knew, but with a stick up his arse — stood around babbling about how I was going to cause the end of the universe.

       How do these people know that, hey? The end of the universe because one life is saved? It's not like the universe has come to an end before.

       The Doctor just turned and quietly told him to shut up.

       The speech he then gave me was a classic.

* * *

"Imagine if you knew a young boy would one day grow up to become the leader of the most savage, bloodthirsty army in the universe. What do you do?"

       "Kill him. Shoot him in the fuc--"

       "That's enough of that, please. Alright, he's dead. Instead, a friend of his controls the army, so that instead of being defeated after a long and bloody war, the army takes over a few nations, the leader has a heart attack, and things go along peacefully... until someone accidentally creates a virus that wipes out half of the planet's population."

       "Stop the virus from being released."

       "The virus kills off a sect that would have-- "

       "So stop them! And stop all-- "

       "You can't. I can't. There's too much time in the universe. Too many things happening that change too many others. Saving Kirena may not doom the universe — but it's more likely than not saving her."

* * *

It went on like this for a while.

       I'm a patient sort of guy, in some ways. I can track a man for weeks on end, although I might rough him up a little more than usual when I catch up with him. I can stay hidden and silent for hours. I once counted a million bottles of beer on a wall.

       But in other ways, I'm not patient at all.

       My sister was going to die. The guy in front of me would be the one responsible. Pre-emptive revenge? Maybe.

       But I'm not sure I even meant to pull the trigger. I wasn't even looking at Holmes when it happened. The guy just jumped up, ready to run like hell, and — maybe reflexively, maybe not — I made a hole where his head used to be. The Doctor just looked at me in horror. One of the Mavis girls — the one from the present, not the future — turned and ran, screaming. The other was still looking at a cloud of non-existent butterflies, and talking to herself.

* * *

"It's a pretty little thing, it is it is. Why does a butterfly taste like time? Isn't it wheelbarrow? Sarkis, maybe that's the one — or is that the man who made up a word for me? Is the past me or am I remembering things that won't happen until a tomorrow that never comes? What's the word for remembering things that didn't happen anymore? What's the word for the end of yesterday? Butterflies are free to fly, but planes need a licence. Isn't that sad, my pumpkin prince? Help me. I'm trapped inside a madwoman. And trap trip trap went the billy goat. What's the word for making up words that won't exist until tomorrow?"

To be continued...

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